Sober Thoughts Are Drunken Disasters
by roxypony
Summary: All Mika wants is to drown his sorrows in a barrel of ale. Now if only Kurda would stop interrupting... Totally random oneshot idea! Not slash!


I'm writing so much this week I'm scaring myself...

This oneshot is kind of an experiment to see if I can actually write anything other than TVF... I've had this idea for a while, then I read the DSS wiki that Mika was Arra's mentor and almost-lover, and that really changed around the idea.

Just FYI this is set like 40ish years before the DS saga. My math skills are really non-existent but I'm sure you'll figure it out. ALSO I know Vamps have a high alcohol tolerance, but I'm not sure how much so just go with what I have :)

(Also this story does contain alcohol abuse so if that bothers you for whatever reason, can't say I didn't warn ya!:)

I don't know if I like how this turned out, but my reasoning is that I don't totally hate it, so I'm just throwing it up here for all to see!

It's also based on a true story!

Enjoy and don't be too hard on me. As much as I've written for DSS, I've never done a non-TVF oneshot for this fandom. Be nice!

* * *

Naturally, humans would envy Vampires. Or so you'd think, what with their supernatural abilities and near-immortality. Humans were merely slow-moving insignificant flecks of physical matter. A Vampires is strong, free, unbreakable, and damn near unstoppable.

At this particular moment, Mika Ver Leth would have disagreed with all of those statements.

Right now he would have given anything, done anything, even trade in his 231 years just to go back to his days as a simple human being.

Why would a fierce, young, handsome Vampire General give it all away?

Because a human would have been long since passed out by now.

That was the up-side to being a Vampire -or the down-side, as was Mika's current opinion- you could drink three quarters of a barrel of ale and stay conscious.

With every drink he took, his tired and hazy mind sighed,

_Please let this one knock me out..._

With every drink he took, he became a little more disoriented, but felt no closer to his desired goal: to simply _forget_.

He looked upwards for a moment; The Hall of Khledon Lurt spun blearily around him, and was fairly sure he only had 2 hands clenched painfully over the table, but right now he saw four. Same for the empty mug beside him, last time he checked there'd only been one of those.

When he clumsily dipped it into the barrel for a re-fill, for a split second he thought the hand clamped around his wrist was also a hallucination born from 2 hours of this mindless sipping. He tried to shake it off, and nearly tipped backwards off the bench. When he regained his balance with some difficulty, he fixed his gaze straight ahead and realized he was not imagining things, someone had indeed sat down across the table from him and had wrestled the mug from his grasp.

"G'dammit, Kurda. Wh'the Hell d'yo want?" he groaned furiously when he realized the identity of his companion.

"I think you've been at this long enough. You should really come join the party! People are wondering where you are." the blond General told him slowly and clearly.

"D'yo 'onsetly think I can walk righ'now?" Mika chuckled darkly, reaching for the mug.

Kurda deftly lifted the mug out of his reach...and dropped it on the floor. Where it shattered. Mika gave him an extremely bleary version of his usual death glare.

"Enough." Kurda stated gently but firmly. "What's this really about?

"I 'ave some things on m'mind that I'd like t'forget, so if you don' mind gettin me another mug, y'can stop botherin' me anytime."

"I know what this is about."

"Great, so stop asking an' leave me th'Hell alone!"

"Everyone could see how much you loved her. She was your whole world."

"Wha're you talking 'bout?"

"You were together for 20 years, you taught her everything, you practically gave her your life. And then she turns and falls in love with Larten Crepsley, of all people." a smile twitched on his thin lips.

Mika turned up his glare several notches.

"Kurda, I'm warning you..."

"And barely a year after Arrow leaves us to be with his human bride. I know you're feeling terribly alone right now, but drinking yourself to death isn't going to solve anything-"

"You are really pushing it, my friend." Mika ground out through gritted teeth.

"You've known for years that there was a connection between her and Larten. You knew she loved you as a dear friend and nothing more. You knew she'd reject your affections. And you must have known it would hurt-"

"KURDA, SHUT UP!"

"I went too far. My apologies." said the blond lightly. As inebriated as he was, Mika doubted his apology was sincere. What the hell was Kurda trying to accomplish?

There was a silence between the two Generals for a moment. Kurda observed his long-time comerade's dark and pitiful figure, and Mika stared down at the table, glancing occasionally up at the blond and slender object of his annoyance, desperately wishing his mug hadn't been smashed.

"How'd you know?" Mika asked finally.

"Well, they're in another hall dancing together -quite foolishly, might I add- and you're alone in here, drowning yourself in ale. I put two and two together."

Mika shot him a sideways look.

"And I overheard your argument last night." Kurda added as an afterthought.

Mika groaned in frustration and rested his head on the table.

"It was thaat loud?"

Kurda grimaced. "Yeah."

"Anyone else hear?"

"Only myself...and Larten."

Mika repeated his groan at a louder volume. He couldn't remember exactly what he'd said about Crepsley in last night's verbal battle with Arra, but it hadn't been anything flattering.

The argument...exactly what he'd been so valiantly trying to forget.

The intricacies of it were vague to him right now... but he remembered the final result. It had ended with -gods, it sounded so pathetically childish- his heart being ripped into a million pieces.

_Why? _

The word pounded around within the confines of his brain, like it had been doing all day. Why Larten? Why not him?

"Vampires are not born to be in relationship with others." Kurda reminded him gently. "For some, it happens. For most, it doesn't."

"Larten's doin' fine for himself. An' Arrow, off doin gods-know-what with the human..."

The last statement left a bitter taste in his mouth that nicely accentuated his burgeoning headache. He hadn't uttered his best friend's name out loud in weeks. Truth be told, he hadn't forgiven him from heading off into the foolish human world and leaving this behind...leaving his brother behind.

Kurda smiled as though realising a great truth.

"I knew this wasn't just about Arra. You're seeking to understand what it is that drew Arrow away from here."

"I jus' want what he has!" Mika yelled suddenly, startling himself. "I wanna find out whats'so great i'was worth leaving ev'rything behind! Why him? Why Crepsley? Why not _me_?"

"Mika, you'll go crazy -well, crazier- trying to answer those questions yourself. There is no answer, other than destiny. There is absolutely nothing that makes Larten or Arrow better than you. We are all noble Vampires. We all earn our triumphs as we should, and we all...erm, _slip _every now and then." he concluded, glancing down at the near-empty ale container.

Mika stared coldly at Kurda's deep blue eyes, without truly looking into them. Then down into the barrel of ale beside him. For some stupid reason, the boring blond pacifist's little speech had comforted him to a suprising degree. Or maybe he just getting too tired to care about Arra, Larten, Arrow, his stupid wife, any of them... Now his head was really throbbing.

"We shouldn' waste this barrel. Are y'sure y'can't get me another mug?"

"Absolutely not." Kurda replied primly.

"You damn goody-goody." Mika growled. "Ahh no, did I say tha' out loud?" he added sarcastically.

"You're even more of a smartass when you're drunk." Kurda chuckled lightly.

"You're gon' regret sayin' that tomorrow..."

"Not as much as you're going to regret emptying that barrel."

"I didn't _empty _it, you made sure o'that!"

"You'll thank me for _that_ tomorrow." said Kurda with complete conviction.

Mika muttered something about how draining the remainder of the barrel wouldn't have changed anything, but Kurda doubted this whole-heartedly. He wasn't as much of a goody as Mika apparently thought. He knew a thing or two about the effects of over-indulgence, and his ever-analytical mind knew exactly how much alcohol triggered how big a reaction according to the Vampire in question... come tomorrow, Mika Ver Leth would probably wish he'd never been born. And that was without even touching the last quarter of the barrel.

"If you're not gon' help me, can you a'least go'way so I can sleep?" the dark general folded his arms on the table and then buried his head in them.

Kurda sighed. "Gods, Mika. I'm not gonna leave you here to sleep with your face on this table. How cruel do you think I am?"

"I think you're enjoying this." came the muffled reply.

Kurda rolled his eyes and shot back, "I know you'd do the same for me."

Mika expressed a snort of laughter at this.

"Come on, get up." Kurda insisted, prodding Mika in the shoulder.

"Where're we goin'?"

"You're going to bed before anyone walks in here and finds you like this. Trust me, it's for your own good."

"Kurda, I'm perfec'ly capable of getting there on my own."

"A few minutes ago you said you couldn't walk."

"Yeah well...jus' go away. I'm going t'bed. An' I'm gettin there on my own!"

"Knock yourself out." the blond General responded skeptically.

Mika glared and stood up with more than a slight sway. He clumsily stepped over the long wooden bench...and promptly fell.

"I didn't mean literally!" said Kurda, locking his jaw to keep from laughing.

"Shutthehellup."

The one still standing sighed in immense exasperation and grabbed firmly onto his friend's arm.

"Stand up on 3, alright? 1...2...-"

Not bothering to wait for 3, Mika propelled himself to his feet with such force that both Generals nearly wiped out.

"You giant oaf!" Kurda groaned as his ankle twisted painfully.

"I swear my skull alone weighs more than you." Mika grunted, leaning heavily on his comrade.

Kurda humoured that one. "I'm sure it does."

Slowly and ponderously they moved out of the Hall of Khledon Lurt and upwards in the direction of Mika's cell.

"Why're we takin the long way?" Mika observed in a gravelly tone.

"I didn't think hauling your ass through a sea of dancing fighting Vampires who are almost as drunk as yourself would be a very good idea."

Mika made a semi-approving humming noise and closed his eyes, allowing Kurda to steer.

As they drew closer to the dark General's roomy cell in the upper Northwest corner of the Mountain, Mika rested more and more weight on his lighter counterpart's shoulders.

Kurda accepted the burden without complaint, until he finally deposited his friend in his cell and watched with slight concern as he lowered himself undexterously into his coffin.

In a moment of clarity, Mika blundered out;

"Why would you do this fr'me? Espec'ly tonight?"

He'd known it all along, but it had only just occured to him. The reason for the abundance of drinking and dancing was that tonight was the night Kurda Smahlt had officially been awarded the title of General. It was his night to shine, and he'd spent a good chunk of it playing therapist with someone who thought he was a complete idiot.

A fleeting smile crossed Kurda's face and came dangerously close to becoming a grin.

"You're my friend, Mika. It's honestly that simple. I don't need a reason."

Mika looked thoughtful as though not sure if Kurda was being entirely truthful, but his headache stabbed suddenly and he pushed all else from his mind and half-closed his eyes.

"Go back t'your party. They're gon' be looking for you." he mumbled as parting words.

"Will you be okay?" but Kurda already knew the answer.

" 'Course I will."

"I knew it."

Wordlessly, the young blond Vampire reached down, made a fist and extended it to Mika who was lying face-up, observing the ceiling dumbly. He too made a fist, and gently bopped Kurda's with it in a long-used gesture of peace and friendship, as though making a temporary treaty with the blond pacifist who irked him so greatly.

"Even in hangover may you be triumphant." Kurda whispered loudly before striding out of the room.

But Mika heard nothing; exhaustion finally outweighed his pain, both physical and emotional and he'd finally dropped into sweet oblivion.

* * *

Heeh, buddy fistbump :)

Hope you understood all of Mika's drunk talk... I actually read them out loud (Yeah I'm home alone) and based on experience I think they're fairly realistic.

**No slash intended of course. If you want to interperet it as such, I guess you could...? :S But it's not. I don't like or read slash as it is, and I especially don't like the pairing of Mika/Kurda. I'll leave it at that to avoid hurting any feelings!**

ANYWAY, this was the original plan for this idea: It was going to be a filler-chapter in Still Unbroken as Arrow's off with his wife, Mika's just been rejected by some Vampire chick (not Arra) and he's drinking away the blues when Larten stops by and gives him some words of wisdom...

Then I found out the Mika-Arra thing and decided this would work out so much better, and it can stand with or without being part of a bigger fic. Plus I wanted to write it now, not God-knows-when!

Anyway please leave me a note, constructive review is really appreciated.

ALSO DON'T FREAKIN ADD IT TO YOUR FAVOURITES UNLESS YOU LEAVE A REVIEW WITH IT, PLEASE! That's my #4 FF Pet Peeve. (#3 is lemon fics without warnings. #2 is Mary Sues, and #1 is authors who think they the shit when they have like 6 reviews in 30 chapters.)

Well Im off to watch Supernanny :) TVF ideas? Quite possibly.

xo

don't forget the Christmas Contest!

*Roxxy,


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